When Love Becomes Labour: The Hidden Burden on Wives

Marriage, at its core, should be about two people choosing each other, promising love, companionship, and mutual support. Yet too often, it becomes a stage where the wife is expected to serve not just her husband, but his entire family. Functions are held, guests arrive, and everyone enjoys themselves while she bears the labour, cooking, cleaning, and fulfilling endless demands. If she resists or falls short, she is labeled a “bad wife,” as if her worth is measured by her ability to serve others rather than the love and partnership she shares with her spouse. But is it fair to expect one partner to carry this load while others enjoy the benefits?

Marriage, to me, has always been a concept approached with caution. Why would two people, who fell in love and promised lifelong companionship, be burdened by families who were never part of their initial bond? There are instances where couples live peacefully until the mother-in-law insists that a sister-in-law or brother-in-law comes to stay with them, often without a reasonable explanation. These guests sometimes arrive with the unspoken assumption that the wife exists to serve them. When she fails to meet these expectations, the issue is escalated to the mother-in-law, and the wife is labeled a “bad wife.” Should wives be expected to constantly impress their in-laws just to maintain harmony or stay long in the marriage?

Haven’t you seen cases where mothers-in-law fight with their daughters-in-law simply because things were not done their way? Sometimes, it isn’t even the mother-in-law, it could be any member of the husband’s family. What gives them the audacity to interfere in the couple’s life, is it tradition, culture, or something else? I recently read about a wedding that was canceled just a week before the ceremony because the bride-to-be, who was twenty years older than a member of the groom’s family, failed to address the younger relative as “Aunty.”

These examples are not isolated incidents, they reveal a deeper, systemic issue. In many marriages, women’s autonomy is consistently undermined, and cultural or traditional expectations often pressure wives to prioritize the comfort and approval of extended family over their own well-being. It is not always intentional, sometimes it is habit, ignorance, or social conditioning, but the result is the same: women are expected to sacrifice their time, energy, and independence to satisfy family demands. Do we accept this as the norm, or is it time to rethink these expectations?

It is high time boundaries were clearly established. Husband’s families need to understand that marriage is not an open invitation to exert control or demand servitude. At the same time, women entering marriage should be empowered to assert their worth, communicate their limits, and respect family members without needing validation to be considered “good wives.” Mutual respect and open communication between all parties can prevent misunderstandings and foster a healthier, more supportive family dynamic.

Marriage should be a partnership built on love, fairness, and shared responsibility, not a hierarchy where women are burdened and expected to sacrifice their autonomy to satisfy others. Couples must remember that the relationship exists first and foremost between them, and families should complement, not complicate, that bond. Only when love is honored as a partnership rather than a labor will marriage truly reflect the promise it begins with. So, do you think this status quo is okay? Should wives feel pressured to constantly impress their in-laws just to maintain harmony or stay long in the marriage? These are questions every couple, and society, needs to reflect on if we are to redefine what a healthy marriage truly looks like.